


Empty

by tomarkexists



Category: Blink-182
Genre: Anal Sex, Drug Addiction, Dubious Consent, M/M, Top!Mark, bottom!Tom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-27
Updated: 2013-10-27
Packaged: 2017-12-30 15:01:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1020080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tomarkexists/pseuds/tomarkexists
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I am in our apartment. It’s not even our apartment anymore. I can’t remember when was the last time he was here. I can’t remember much anymore.</p><p>I took the bottle out of my pants and shook the pills out. I grabbed two (or maybe three, or five, or ten) and placed them on my tongue, swallowing it dry. The effect will kick in soon and I can’t wait for everything to go numb. For the pain in my chest to go numb, for the over thinking to go numb, for my life to go numb.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Empty

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a song from The Click Five, I am highly aware that I need to stop writing song fics. Jen does not exist in this fic!

All I could think of was the fighting.

The fighting and the shouting and the tears and the shit thrown round.

Not the times when everything was normal.

Not the laughing or the smiling or the kissing or the loving.

Definitely not the loving.

I am in our apartment. It’s not even our apartment anymore. I can’t remember when was the last time he was here. I can’t remember much anymore.

I took the bottle out of my pants and shook the pills out. I grabbed two (or maybe three, or five, or ten) and placed them on my tongue, swallowing it dry. The effect will kick in soon and I can’t wait for everything to go numb. For the pain in my chest to go numb, for the over thinking to go numb, for my life to go numb.

We’re no longer Mark and Tom, two best friends in the greatest band ever who love each other.

No.

We’re now just Mark and Tom, two complete strangers in a dying band who hates each other.

Where did it all go wrong?

My eyes scanned the room, my vision slightly cloudy and blurry. The picture frames that hung on a wall caught my attention. There were pictures of me and Mark when we were younger, when everything was so simple and innocent. Most of them were private pictures that we took when no one was around, when we were truly ourselves. The most recent one was a picture of us before Mark got married. There is a new frame that I put up a year ago, meaning to take a new picture of the both of us to fill it.

But it’s empty.

He started it first, this is his fault. He was the one who got married after just a year of dating that bitch. I hate her. Everything about her; from her perfect blonde hair, to her perfect blue eyes. She is everything I’m not and she is everything he needs.

A woman.

I can’t believe that’s what tore us apart. A fucking woman. After all these years of secretly seeing each other, after all the ‘I love you’ and the ‘you’re my soul mate’, it was all fucking bullshit. It all meant nothing. I was never good enough for him.

I was just his second choice, his backup plan, his besotted best friend he will fuck when his wife is not around.

There is a piece of paper and a pen on the table in front of me. I tried to remember what it was for, and then it hit me. I wanted to write a letter to him, write down everything that I felt for the past months. But as I sat down earlier and stare at it, I just couldn’t write anything.

It’s empty.

I miss him. But I don’t know what to do. Everything is too fucked up now.

The apartment is cold and lonely without him. I hated this feeling that I had been putting up with for far too long. I hated how my happiness and well being depended so much on him. I know my physical state is deteriorating as the days go by. My bangs are way too long, my eyes are way too red, I’ve lost some weight, and I don’t remember the last time I shave or even took a shower.

I’m a mess.

A distant knocking filled my ears. I wonder whether I was imagining it, so I completely ignored it, the pills have fully taken over my body. I hear a door opening and before I could register it, Mark was in front of me.

“Tom? What the fuck man? How many of those fucking pills have you taken?” his eyes have lost all the kindness I once knew.

“Like as if you fuckin’ care!” I stood up from my seat and tried to walk far away from him, but I managed to trip over the chair instead.

“Fuck it Tom, don’t you walk away from me like this afternoon,” he picked me up and shoved me to a wall.

“Fuck you,” I spat it out like venom in my mouth.

The next thing I knew, Mark’s lips were all over mine for the first time in months. He did not bother to be gentle or caring, harshly moving his lips and tongue against mine. When he bit my lower lips, causing it to bleed slightly, I told myself not to cry out.

This isn’t making out. This is him proving something to himself.

I should have pushed him away. Push him away and run out of the apartment just like I did this afternoon. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t do it.

I couldn’t stop him when he easily picked up my frail body to our bedroom. I couldn’t stop him when he stripped me out of my clothing. I couldn’t stop him from touching me at all the right places, burning me with pleasure.

I couldn’t stop him from fucking me so recklessly.

There was no love when he entered inside me, without any lubricant so he could hurt me more. There was no love when he started thrusting in and out, not caring that I was in pain. There was definitely no love when he bit my neck, drawing blood out.

In spite of it all, I was in heaven. I haven’t been touched like this in months, yet alone by him. I could no longer be bother to masturbate, even porn doesn’t turn me on like it used to. I have been building it all up, ready to explode at any moment. So it didn’t surprise me when it took a short time for me to cum all over his stomach, clutching the sheets under me as if I could fall off this planet to the pits of Hell.

Cause that was what it felt after the orgasm faded. Hell has taken over my body as Mark continued to mercilessly fuck me. I wanted him to stop, and I guess I could but as I looked into his dead blue eyes, I knew this was it.

This will be the last time.

So I swallowed my cries and my whines until he finally finishes inside of me. Mark collapsed on top of me, his breathing heavy and irregular. I wanted to push him away in disgust. I felt used. But I couldn’t. This may be the last time we will ever be this close to each other.

No.

This is the last time.

After a few minutes, Mark rolled off me and lay beside me on the bed. An uncomfortable silence ensued, but I was used to it now.

“Tom …” I turned to face him. “What happened to us?”

I sighed as the question repeated itself in my head.

“Fuck … you tell me.”

“Why? Is it all my fault? Do you just blame me?” his tone changed, more aggressive now, more defensive.

I had enough of his antics.

“Of course I blame you! You’re the one who got married! You’re the one who distanced yourself from me! You’re the one who was too ashamed to tell people about us! You’re the fuckin’ pussy who got fuckin’ married to a fuckin’ girl!” I emphasized each obscenity by jabbing him in the shoulder. He sat up and I followed him.

“It’s not just me okay! You’re the one who started a new band without me. You’re –“

“Fuck, why are you bringing that up? I explained about Box Car Racer to you multiple times!”

“Yeah, but it never got rid of the betrayal I feel. You’re the one who wants things to change and I think it’s because of those fucking pills you’ve been taking! Why are you not happy with how things are?”

“How can I be happy Mark? How can I be happy in a band where I have to pretend that I’m not in love with my bandmate who happens to be happily married? How can I be happy when you fuck me one day and tell me you love me and then you run to your fucking wife?”

He stood up, his face dark in anger. He started to pick up all his clothes and began putting it on.

He’s leaving me.

“Fine, leave me Mark! I don’t even want you anymore! I wished I never met you!”

As soon as I said that that, I regretted it immediately. For the first time since he entered the apartment, Mark looked hurt.  He looked like he’s in pain. And I was the one who caused that.

I wished I never opened my mouth, but my ego would have never apologized to him; tell him I take it back.

“You’ve changed Tom. I thought I was in love with you, but you’ve changed. This whole thing between us is over. It’s empty now,” he started walking out the bedroom door when he paused and looked back at me. I could see the tears in his eyes that were threatening to fall. “You’re empty Tom.”

With that, he shut the door. I could hear him leaving the apartment, leaving years of memories, leaving a relationship, leaving me behind.

This time, it’s final.

I could feel the pain swallowing me whole, spreading through my veins. I could barely breathe as I started sobbing, chocking on the last thing I said to him. His goodbye kept playing over and over again.

I couldn’t handle this pain. It was too unbearable.

I got off the bed to search for the pill bottle in my pants. It was difficult to see with the tears blocking my vision, but I finally found it. I twist the cover open and tilted it into my hands.

It’s empty.


End file.
